It’s easy to find great design—I mean, all you have to do is flip through a copy of Architectural Digest at the dentist’s office. Or go to a really fancy benefit party in someone’s fancy home. Or, one way that is cheaper than the dentist or the benefit, and that doesn’t require knowing anyone with scads of disposable income, is to hop around to some open houses.

Open houses are a great source for design inspiration, or can be if you hit them right.

But finding bad design is a bit more of a challenge, especially when you’re asked to post a description and a photo to a blog. For example, to this blog in particular.
That’s just what I’m doing. I want to hear your stories of bad design. If you can include a photo, all the better. It could even be your own bad design (God knows I’ve admitted some of my own mistakes right here)—and maybe someone will write in with a solution for you. We have at our fingertips a fleet of designers, specializing in residential design, feng shui, and design for weddings.

(Okay, maybe it’s not exactly a fleet, but it’s a small boatload.)

Okay, it’s several brilliant minds.

So, let’s have at it. Bad color choices, poor lighting arrangements, terrible sofas only a sofa’s mother could love. We’ll try to figure out together where the designer (or, more likely, the hapless home owner) went wrong—which is, after all, a great way of figuring out how to do it right.

Just click on “comments” at the end of the post, and then leave a reply.

At Last, Color Me Happy 

Here it is. Okay, these photos maybe don’t show the color as accurately as they could. It is a biscuity brown, soft, like a pale coffee ice cream. The detail at the back of the bookshelves was inspired! And was the brainchild of my painter, Paul Flessa. It’s a deep raiseny plum, almost like a rum raisin, so the whole living room is a little like a big bowl of ice cream, and what’s wrong with that? 

You’ll see, too, that I had the window leading painted black, which involved a great deal of sanding, priming, and other activities I don’t want to know about. All I know is the painter was here a lot. And now, it looks great and my bank account is further depleted.  

Next up: the hallway, the windows in the other rooms. I’ll let you know how it goes. 

But let’s not linger there; instead, let’s talk more about green giving, as the holiday season is now just about to swallow us whole. 

You can buy recycled holiday cards, and that doesn’t mean hoarding the ones you got last year and then scratching out the name of the person who sent them and writing in your own. That is known as recycling, but it’s also known as extremely tacky. Instead, check out the cards made from recycled materials at Holiday Classics.  

For a mind-boggling list of websites that sell eco-friendly gifts, go to Ecomall. 

And don’t forget that often a home-made gift is the best one to give, or to receive. If you’re artistically inclined, now’s the time to get to work on making a present, but remember too that you don’t have to be an artist to make a gift. A CD with favorite songs, a photo album with photos of the family, a box of cookies will all make the recipient happier, probably, than another plastic Santa Claus singing “Rock Around The Christmas Tree.”  All you have to do to step away from that Santa is think of a landfill towering with the things. 

And then for the person who has everything, there’s the gift of green. Yes, that green, as in greenbacks.  

Often people who don’t need any more stuff are thrilled to receive a donation to a worthy cause made in their name. Just make sure you match the cause to the person, so that you’re not giving Uncle Dave the Dog-hater a donation.

You won’t believe it, but I’m really making progress on the wall color situation. Look at this new color I found! It’s called “rich cream.” It’s made by Benjamin Moore, and no, they’re not paying me a cent to say that. 

I started putting it on the wall, and loved it so much I went out and bought two gallons, in the Aura paint, which is environmentally, you know, happy-making. Makes you happy as it doesn’t release toxins, makes the world happy because it’s harvested from organic paint-bushes or something. Plus, you need less of it, rather than more, so in an ironic, shocking twist, it actually costs less to do the right thing. 

I started putting it on, and just as I was hitting the wall of painting fatigue, wondering why I was doing this instead of doing my own work, the phone rang. It was a friend of a friend, saying he is a painter between jobs, and our mutual friend had said I may need someone…. 

So he’s coming today to finish it off. 

You can see here that I’m still somewhat undecided about the hallway.

Now, this Aura paint, combined with the Holiday Season which now has us in its grips, got me thinking about to do if you’re in a gift-giving, party-throwing, card-sending frame of mind and yet you quiver at the thought of those polar bears up north going without ice next winter? Yes, I’m talking climate change. And I’m talking waste.  

Becoming aware of these two things doesn’t mean you have to live in a state of deprivation. It’s been proven time and again that deprivation and negative reinforcement doesn’t work—you know that when you go on a diet that requires no sweets, the first thing you do is rush to the cookie box.  

And God knows I’m the last one to ban, for example, parties.

But the madness has to stop!  

And you can do this with a generous, positive outlook, by giving green—and no, I don’t mean doling out cash to everyone on your list. You can think about how you’re actually doing something to help stave off the utter destruction of the planet. And, like with buying Aura paint (really, they aren’t paying me to say that) it actually can save you money. 

One place to start would be with a new book on making wrappings that are environmentally friendly. In Simply Green Giving, Danny Seo offers suggestions that will soothe your soul while cutting down on wasteful paper use. 

For me, I find that just the good, old-fashioned method of wrapping gifts can work two ways: by reducing the tremendous wave of useless paper that washes into the house each day, and by not buying more paper with which to wrap gifts.  

Here’s an example: the calendar I just got in the mail from my bank. This isn’t the tacky bank calendar with bad photos of kittie cats and puppies, or static shots of barns and beaches.  This one has gorgeous photos from around the world. It’s really nice.  

But I don’t use a wall calendar. I use a desk calendar. And I don’t want this thing on my wall. I don’t really want it at all.  

But these photos would make terrific wrapping paper. 

So here is the calendar, before: 

And here it is, after, in its new life as wrapping paper: 

If you have any other bright ideas on how to green up the holiday, please write in. Those polar bears need all the help they can get. 

Decoration has gotten a bad rap, and so has the appellation “decorator” as opposed to “designer.” There is a very real distinction between the two terms, mostly in that some states license designers, but let decorators go willy-nilly into that great world of paint color and fabric swatches without state approval. This distinction has led to some ugly (yet beautifully mocha-toned, with a cream trim) mud-slinging  between the two camps. 

Often, there is a bit of an assumption that decorators aren’t quite as serious, or as well-trained, as designers, with everyone wanting to insist that they do more than just decorate. 

And this raises the question: what’s wrong with decoration? Snubbing decoration is, in my mind, a bit like snubbing reading fiction, or looking at art, or enjoying rap music. Isn’t life to be enjoyed, in all the wild and wacky variety we humans have evolved to keep ourselves entertained? 

Sure. At least, Steven Heller agrees with me. Or, to be more accurate, I agree with him.  

On a less contentious matter, Patti writes in about the mattress question, with a link to a source for mattress information and a question: “I was thinking I’d test-drive the mattresses and then order the one I liked online or from one of those discount phone places (1-800-mattress or whatever). Any thoughts on that plan? I’ve heard mixed things about discount places.” 

Well, as a matter of fact, I do have some thoughts there. First of all, I do not like the check-it-out-in-the-real-store-then-buy-online method if you’re talking about a small, Mom and Pop store. But there are so few of these left that chances are you’re not. The Internet, after all, and the advent of online shopping, was certainly the cause of the sudden demise of so many of our beloved little shops in
America.  

But, assuming we’re talking about just another mega-store, I vote yes. In fact, I use this method often myself, and got a great deal on some Wegner dining chairs by going online, but, smart shopper that I am, first I tested them out in the store.But the whole mattress-buying venture has proven so confusing, so intimidating, and so discouraging that I advice you to just stay with your futon on the floor and find a good chiropractor.

Patti also says: “Oh, and did you know the etymology/history of “mattress”?  

Pretty neat. 

Once Sam and I had collected ourselves after our ill-fated Bedgate at Macy’s, I started noticing that indeed, I was waking up feeling tired and stiff and unhappy—the primary symptom of need a new bed.  

So I more seriously launched into the research on this whole question of buying a bed, and discovered something called the Sleep Number Bed. 

And the Duxiana Bed.  And then I was heading down the road into a world I never thought I would enter, the World of the Rich and the Very Rich, or at least the world of the beds of those people. Essentially I no longer even cared about Sam and The Bachelor and their bedding problems. The more I researched beds, the more I realized that I myself was in dire need of a new one. So, why not trot myself back to Macy’s and shell out? 

Well, like all things in décor, it isn’t quite that simple. Okay, first there are regular beds, as we’ve seen.  Mattress, box spring, coils, hand-tied, you know. The things you get at Macy’s or some other department store. 

And then there are the beds that operate on a completely different system, such as some kind of foam stuff or air pumps or even, gadzooks, horsehair. 

These start with the Sleep Number Bed. Go into a Sleep Number store and chances are the clerk will launch an elaborate demonstration to show you how the bed works, which essentially is by pumping air into and out of the chambers in the mattress. She’ll also hand you a little brochure with pictures and mysterious phrases like “Dual Foam Layering System.” 

If you’re thinking this is just a fancy air mattress, you’re thinking like me. Now, I did take it upon myself to go into the Sleep Number store and lie on the bed and I did find that as a matter of fact (or could I say “as a mattress of fact”?) it felt pretty good. And if you sleep with someone, there’s the advantage that each side of the bed has its own pump, so you can have a firmer or softer mattress than your bedmate, which presumably prevents marital discord. 

Let’s not go there right now. 

But even though the clerk assured me that this wouldn’t mean getting up every couple of hours and pumping up the bed again, I just couldn’t quite buy it. Plus, what if something sharp, like a clawed cat, jumped on it too hard? (By the way, I don’t think my cats would tolerate those things you stick on the claws to prevent torn up sofas and such.  

And I just want to go on the record here as saying that while de-clawing a cat is nowhere near as terrible as waterboarding a human being, it’s a really, really, bad idea.)  

Another thing that turned me off from the Sleep Number Bed was the hokey name. The Sleep Number Bed is made by Select Comfort. Both these names are hokey, and why are there two names for one company? I don’t like that.   I like a good old-fashioned name for a bed, like “Beautyrest.” That’s a name that makes you feel nice, like the bed is actually going to make you more beautiful while you get some rest.  

But most of all, I was bothered by the visions of my brother waking up after a night on my air mattress in my living room, which had slowly flattened to a thin piece of rubber between him and the cold, hard floor. He looked neither beautiful nor rested. 

So even though the clerk was helpful and the price was comparable to the higher-end regular mattresses, there was just something a little too cockamamie about the whole thing.  

Next I’m working my way up to the more expensive mattresses.  

Meanwhile, in case you’re wondering, I’ve completely abandoned my other home decorating projects. I’m starting to kind of like the stripes on the wall from trying out all the paints, and there’s something artfully charming, I think, about the exposed plugs since the electrical work was done and not done.  

So next I’m going to the Duxiana store. I’ll let you know how that turns out.

Reader Jackie Law writes in with this question for Stylehound: 

“My son’s room needs to be upgraded. He wants one black wall with red and a little silver. The walls have paint on top of wallpaper and a border over that. Any suggestions?” 

I love being asked questions like this. Not because I have the answers, but because then I don’t feel like the only one who is stumped by design.  

Can someone bail us out here? Any ideas for Jackie and her, um, creatively-inclined son? Alexia, perhaps you can come up with something? 

Diving Into The Wreck  

Once the electrician got here, he got started working and I fled to the study while he made a lot of noise in the rest of the apartment. When I came in and said, “how’s it going?’ he said the fateful words, “not so good,” as he crouched by the baseboard. Dust was everywhere.

The wires, he said, were so old they were disintegrating in his hands.  When he took his lunch break, I can’t say that the place looked actually better than it had before.

But that wasn’t enough. He came back the next day, this time with a fellow electrician. There was a ladder involved. It turned out they couldn’t change the fuse box over to circuit breakers, because to do that would involve ripping out one of the kitchen cabinets.  

“I’ll just wait until I re-do the kitchen,” I said, thinking that will be roughly about the time hell freezes over. 

It made me feel a little queasy, the whole thing, seeing chucks of my walls disappear, like watching someone undergo surgery—not that I’ve ever seen that.

But maybe it’s like cosmetic surgery. Maybe it will be a great face-lift, and afterward, everyone will say, “has your apartment been on vacation?” 

Even the cats were freaked out.

Luckily, the painter, the original guy who did such a great job even with my terrible paint choices, said he can send a guy over to re-plaster, this week even. So maybe the next part of this ordeal will go more quickly.  

Meantime, I’m still checking paint colors. Luckily Sheffield’s own Alexia Rosetti knows a couple of things about new colors.

For those who like to play guru and proclaim the latest on all subjects, we have the color forecast for 2008-2009 for you. Pantone, the leading color authority, regularly studies the color pulse of the worldwide community and forecasts the latest color trends that will be used in the graphic, interior, industrial and fashion design worlds.

Not surprisingly, the influence is leaning towards environmental concerns. Apple greens, yellow-greens, acid yellows, and sky blues are the colors that will dominate the design fields. These colors project a “strong, environmental message” to the world.

The color palettes that Pantone is projecting for 2008-09 include the biological identity, diversity, and the collective conscious palettes. The biological identity palette is human and voluptuous – amber golds, desert sands, purpled wines, and brick reds. The diversity palette consists of herbal greens, deep forest greens, astral blues, bronzes – reflective of the environmental colors that are dominating the community. The collective conscious palette shows a more stable background consisting of navy blues, khakis, reddish browns, and mid-tone grays.

These color palettes can be combined to offer more visual excitement – such as the grape purples against the astral blues. The deep greens can be fused with the bronzes, the amber golds complement plummy wines and the apple greens can play off the sky blues.

All of a sudden my mauve walls are looking SO last decade……quick, where’s my paint swatches?

The electrician was supposed to come at 9 am, today, so I made sure everything was ready by about ten ‘til nine, and then waited. And waited. Luckily, I do most of my writing at home, so it wasn’t wasted time—in fact, it’s remarkable how much one can get done under the pressure of an electrician arriving any minute.  

But I figured I would also use some of the time to try out some new wall colors. This helped me remember again why it is I’m going through all this tsuris with the scheduling of the electrician—ultimately, this will lead me to a home with cleaner walls (I mean, less cluttered with unnecessary outlets sticking out), which in turn will allow me to paint over those dreadful colors I now have.  

One problem with choosing paint color has been that in order to really try out the new color, you have to buy at least a pint of the stuff. Benjamin Moore has a brilliant marketing ploy, which is that they make tiny little jars of trial paint, in real colors. They even sell a cute little roller and tray so you can roll the paint on a sample piece of the wall.  

First, I tried a deep red for the hallway. The color itself is great, as you can see, but it’s much too dark, especially as the hall is dark anyway, having no windows (as is the case  in most halls).  

Then I tried a pale sage green.  

I really like this one, but I’ll have to decide if I want this in the hall, and something off-white in the living room, or if I want the sage in the living room. The trouble with that idea is that the living room will be very, very, green if I do that. Or maybe I could do the old one-wall-in-a-color-one-off-white trick. 

Next, I’ll try a couple of off-whites—but not right now, because, you won’t believe it, but the electrician is actually here! Better one hour and 45 minutes late than never, I suppose. 

I suppose. I’ll let you know after the work is done. If it is ever done.